How to know if your husband is no longer attracted to you

Marriage is a lifelong commitment between two people. You stand at the altar and say your vows, promising to love, honor, and protect each other through thick and thin, for better and for worse. While it’s no secret that marriage is hard work and there can be tough challenges along the way, you can always fall back on your unbreakable bond. But as the years go by, you may have noticed a lack of physical intimacy, flirtatious looks or messages, or compliments that make you feel desired, appreciated, or sought after by your husband, leaving you questioning if your marriage is actually unbreakable and if your husband doesn’t find you attractive?

The initial pull that brought you into the relationship has every chance of faltering over time. Being able to differentiate between your husband becoming unattracted to you or if external factors are preventing him from making an effort can save you from a lot of hurt and insecurities. As questions, doubts, and heartache consume you, consider if you’ve noticed any of these signs and signals to understand your husband’s perception of you better and if your chemistry and attraction are truly gone.

You no longer have a sex life

Sex is an important part of marriage, intimacy, and connection. While some couples maintain a happy, fulfilling, and healthy romantic relationship without having sex, you need to look at the patterns and understand why the sex has stopped. If you were used to having regular sex and you’re now at a point where you can’t remember the last time you did, it can lower your self-esteem and lead you to question if your husband is sexually attracted to you. In any relationship, communication is key, so you need to have an open discussion with your partner. You might get nervous about broaching the topic, but it’s crucial that you do.

Suppose your husband explains that work, stress, or family life has been exhausting and decreased his libido but insists he still finds you attractive and desirable. In that case, you will feel more secure in yourself, but if his response is avoidant, you will be able to tell if he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. If the decrease in sex is due to a lowered libido, there are many other ways couples can be intimate without having sex. Suggest some non-sexual forms of physical intimacy, including holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and massages, or if you’d like to engage in emotional intimacy, initiate an honest and vulnerable conversation.

It’s all about reading the signals and if the lack of sex is accompanied by some of the other signs listed below, it’s likely the love and attraction has unfortunately faded.

He looks at other women

If you’ve noticed that your husband looks at other women frequently and doesn’t pay attention to you, it can be an issue. However, men are visual beings, and just because another woman has caught his eye doesn’t mean he’s not attracted to you - even in the most solid of marriages, men can look at other women. But when these wandering eyes become a habit, and he can’t stop staring at other women, it can signal trouble.

You need to say something as soon as you question if your husband is attracted to you or if you feel uncomfortable, unwanted, or unloved. A defensive husband who insists he wasn’t looking could be more concerning than one who laughs it off and admits someone else caught his attention, but there’s nothing and no one more beautiful than their wife. Of course, if a glance turns into speaking to other women, you have a bigger problem, so it’s best to have the conversation earlier, express how you feel, and understand what’s going on. Men aren’t the best in picking up cues from women and your husband might have no idea he’s doing anything wrong.

He doesn’t put in effort anymore

You can’t expect to have fireworks every day in your marriage, but there should always be some effort from your husband. All couples know that relationships take work, and the moment you give up working on it, it’s likely to fail. It doesn’t need to be a grand gesture every day, but men know that something small but thoughtful goes a long way. Whether it’s buying their wife flowers for the weekend, making them a cup of coffee when they wake up, running them a hot bath after a hard day, or planning a date night, husbands tend to make a conscious effort to do something kind and thoughtful for their wives. If it’s been a few weeks since your husband did something nice, it’s probably nothing to worry about, but if their lack of effort becomes consistent, there may be something more profound to it.

You think he’s cheating on you

One of the greatest signs your husband no longer finds you attractive is if you believe he is, or is, cheating on you. You may start asking yourself, is he even committed to our marriage anymore? Has he taken his disinterest in me to the next level? Is he talking to another woman or having an affair? If your husband has become complacent in the marriage, is making next to no effort with you, your sex life has stopped, and he is rarely home, it’s natural to ask yourself if another woman is involved. Trust is the foundation of any marriage, and when that trust is broken, or you have doubts about his loyalty to you, a breakdown will come sooner rather than later. If your suspicions are followed up with some red flags, it may be time to sit down and have a hard conversation.

He doesn’t look at you anymore

There was probably a time in your marriage when your husband would admire you when getting ready to go out; the makeup, the hair, the outfit - he loved all of it. Now, it might have more meaning if you can’t even catch his gaze when making an effort with your appearance. When couples start seeing each other, they can’t take their eyes off of each other, but over time, that natural impulse can die down, leading many wives to question if their husbands are interested in them or feel any attraction towards them. Noticing this shift can make you feel hurt, lonely, and undesirable. Whether you’re seeking a compliment or a particular look, tell your husband you want to hear it or start initiating them yourself.

He spends more time away from you

One of the most common signs of a husband becoming unattracted to his wife is if he’s spending more time away from her and using other plans as an excuse to stay out. Rather than dealing with the issue head-on, it’s a tactic to hide. In addition to staying out late and spending more time at work, your husband may insist on inviting other people to your weekend plans to prevent you from spending quality time alone. While there is a fine line on this issue with some men being more social and eager to have a busy schedule, if you notice that he spends next to no time with you and makes excuses for any arrangements you may have with just the two of you, it might be that he’s trying to avoid you.

Fights become more common

Fighting in a relationship is normal; every couple, married or not, will go through ups and downs. But suppose you’ve noticed that your husband is picking unnecessary fights. In that case, it may be because he is trying to get out of intimately engaging with you and discussing your issues to improve the relationship. Bickering may result from his underlying issues with you, and the constant back and forth could lead to substantial fights leading the two of you to question why you’re even together. If you’re looking for an answer about why these issues are arising in the first place, he could just be arguing with you because he doesn’t feel attracted to you and doesn’t know how to express it. A newfound unwillingness to resolve arguments clearly indicates that something serious is going on.

If you’re familiar with these signs, you have every right to be concerned that your husband is not attracted to you anymore. But it shouldn’t be the first conclusion you jump to. Assumptions damage our capacity to relate to others, and in a relationship, your version of events will become so ingrained that you won’t believe your partner, even though it may not be accurate. Feeling unwanted or undesired by your husband can cause emotional pain, and the best way to tackle the situation is by talking about it. Many times in marriages, spouses can give off messages that they don’t necessarily mean, and in a healthy marriage, you should be able to have an open dialogue. Regardless of the outcome, the most important thing is feeling secure and confident in yourself, so take the time to build yourself up, and become the best version of yourself. Everyone around you, including your husband, will take notice.