Myth #1 Love just happens
Whoever came up with Cupid misled our hearts into dreamy expectations. We’ve been disconnected from reality. Truth is true love doesn’t just happen - there are no magical arrows, nor does your Prince Charming come in the package you expect.True love comes to those who are prepared to receive it. Are you prepared? Are you REALLY prepared? You know, prepared to take a chance, be vulnerable, get to know yourself better, acknowledge your imperfections, grow through your partner, experience pain at times, compromise, trust your experience and really let go?
If you are in the right place, you’ll attract the right relationship - one that’s worth it.
Myth #2 Real love is easy
Sure, falling in love with an attractive guy is easy. He enters the room, your heart skips a beat, you get excited and everything just feels magical. Everyone falls in this kind of infatuation because “falling” is easy. It’s “rising in love” that is the real deal and that needs work.If the painful phases in your dating curve and in your long-term relationship challenge you to grow and bring you to a better place inside of you, it’s good pain. You’re rebirthing yourself into a new, more loving, more compassionate, better, bigger being.
It’s not easy but you are rising in love. The "pain" is worth it, because real love is supposed to change you. It’s not supposed to hurt bad, so if you find that your relationship goes in cycles with no growth or change, it may be time to rethink everything.
Myth #3 True Love is Always 50/50
Don’t you wish there was a machine that could gauge how many units of love a heart can produce? You’d whip it out on the first date, scan your date’s heart and not waste any precious time!Unfortunately, there is no real way to know how deeply we’re in someone’s heart. We either feel loved enough or not. And this changes over time also. The solution is to accept that love isn’t 50/50 when things are rosy. And neither is it supposed to be tit-for-tat during a rough patch.
Score keeping doesn’t help anyone. If you feel that your partner is holding back from giving or receiving love, your best course of action is to openly and calmly bring it up. Forget about fifties and numbers - love should just flow freely.
Myth #4 Love is ALL you need
Not at all: even in clichéd fairy tales, love isn’t all that the princess needs. The plot has struggle in it. There are bad people, poisonous apples, and dragons to fight… There’s work to do.This is true in real life also. Before any happy ending, a lot of experiences need to be lived, challenges need to be surmounted and the lovers need to be happy with each other’s tackling of these tasks. Both lovers need to be willing to grow and change.
As renowned psychologist Scott M. Peck famously put it,
“Love is the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth [...] Love is an act of will - namely, both an intention and an action.”
Merely having feelings of love isn’t enough. Are you and your partner both willing to extend yourselves through intention and action? The answer to this question lets you know if you have a future together.
Myth #5 True Love Equals Compatibility
You are unique - you come with your own perks, qualities, ambitions, and things you need to work on. So does your partner. In the long run, feelings of love alone won’t be enough to sustain a healthy relationship between you two.Compatibility is the fire that keeps love alive - without it, love extinguishes.
Do you prefer watching a thriller while he needs to jump off airplanes to feel alive? Do you have a dog while he has a pet tarantula? Do you prefer a stable desk job while he wants to travel the world and live on the beach?
You get the point: What does “living” mean to you, each? Can you imagine the same, or at least a similar future? True love isn’t blind - true love sees when things don’t work out. True love will ultimately make you do what’s right for you.
Moving on…
You see him and “he is the one!” screams your intuition. How can you know if you’re hearing the right voice from within?Next up - we’ll explore 5 myths that surround your intuition.
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